First Blog! - Future

I've always wanted to put my thoughts into writing but somehow i've never been able to do so. So i'm trying to write something for 'real' today although I feel very distracted at the moment and doubt whether this writing will be to my satisfaction. I just want to relax writing this blog.

To be honest, it does not really matter if people read this. I'm not much of a writer and i'll just write down whatever comes to my mind! And i want to write every Sunday if possible.


I'm at a stage right now where the future looks so hazy. It is said that the strong persevere but what do I persevere for? I'm not sure what I want from life and what life wants from me, although I admit that i've never been able to give much thought to it though i've told myself again and again that i've got to ponder on that. Maybe this blog will help me!

On the back of my mind, just the thought that people will be able to read this somehow seems to restrict me and I believe, that reflects quite a bit of who I am as a person.

Hard work is what it takes to succeed but that's easier said than done when traces of self doubt run through your head. Sometimes I wonder, 'What have i done with all the years of my life?', 'What are the forces and circumstances that have made me what I am today?', 'What is it that I want to be in the future?', 'Is power, status and money all that matters or is it service to mankind and love for God?'. I have always believed in the latter part of the last question.

But then the questions arise, 'How am i to serve and to love?', 'What are the steps that i need to take to be a person who is able to do that?', 'What are the goals that I have to keeps my eyes fixed on?', 'How will the present effect the future?', 'How do I measure my success then?', 'What if I am satisfied without realising my full potential? Would that be a tragedy?'. 'And what is my full potential?'.

Maybe some questions will seem silly as life moves on and I think I have 'some' answer to most of them but i could never say that, "I have an answer to these questions".

History is being made as i write this blog, it is being made as I live my life each day. But how serious am i in making a history that i can look back on and say, "I did my best then"? I believe that would be the question that matters the most. Right now when i ask myself the same question, I feel that I could have done much better in many situations or maybe almost all situations. And there are days and even months and years that have been 'plainly wasted'. I hope the present holds a better future for me and I hope I am giving my best right here and right now.

Enough for tonight! :)
( Why is it that i changed the small "i"s to capital "I"s? :).. and i can see that there are too many "I's"!! so i stopped halfway into doing it!! )